Can we talk about the pressure on parents today to do it ‘right’?

My mum and I have had lots of conversations around the culture of parenting when they were raising me (the 1980’s) and the very different culture(s) of parenting today. She has explained that in those days, before the internet, before blogs, before parenting “methods”, before any kind of wider social interaction outside of one’s own family or circle of local friends, you pretty much raised your kids the way you were raised. You didn’t really know there might be other ways to do it.

There were no studies into children’s development, or understanding of sleep regressions, or an awareness of neurodiversity, or research into the everything we can now look into today; my parents’ generation did the best they could with what they had. And my parents, at least, did a bloody good job! (Thanks mum and dad, I feel your pain now!)

As the following generations have grown, and advancements have been made in various fields, we’re now a quarter of the way through the 21st Century and the world is a very different place.

Now, I am a person who wants to get it right. Everything. I don’t need to BE right, I just need to know that things I do in life, I’m doing them right. I really dislike the idea of upsetting anyone, or displeasing people. It’s just my nature.

So when it comes to raising my little ones in a world saturated with differing and sometimes opposing advice on pretty much every aspect of parenting; sleep schedules, cry-it-out, contact napping, feeding schedules, wake windows, breast vs bottle, co-sleeping / not co-sleeping, gentle parenting, authoritarian parenting, permissive parenting, screen time, nutrition, exercise, body image, post-natal depression, career / stay at home mum, school / home school, political correctness, and the ever changing terrifying world of social media’s impact on children, the pressure is on! And the fear of damaging your children by the choices you make as a parent can be a really heavy weight to carry.

I guess I have mixed feelings about the accessibility of all this information today. Sure it’s helpful to see what works for others, or what science has discovered about babies brains and so on. But, it can also make you feel inept and incapable when you are bombarded by all the millions of things you could and apparently should be doing. I’ve found that if I let it, (and I have let it on many occasions) it overshadows all the things you are actually doing really really well! And let’s be honest, we’re all much better at knocking ourselves than celebrating ourselves aren’t we!

I’m going to practice right now. I am a good mum. Go on, you try it!

Yea, that felt weird. A bit awkward leaving that sitting there, but I will!

Jon and I have learned that for a lot of the practical stuff, (the sleep, the feeding, the routines, the personal choices made for the family) after MUCH googling, it’s actually a simple case of trial and error. We’ve learned what works for us, and what doesn’t, but that cacophony of this is the best way can be deafening and overwhelming.

Everyone is different. You are different to me. Your kids are different to mine. Your husband / wife / partner or single-parenting experience (I salute you!) is different to mine. That’s why this blog is not parenting advice, it’s simply an expression of my own experiences. joys, and struggles, to help other parents know they’re not the only ones feeling it!

You’ll read so many things about how you should be parenting, but you know you, you know your situation, and you know your little one(s). Trust yourself.

I would just say this: You are a warrior, you are strong enough, you are not alone.