There is so much help and advice out there for mums, but not a huge amount specific to dads. Men can feel just as isolated, apprehensive, uncertain and out of their depth as dads as we can often feel as mums! We spend 9 months carrying, experiencing, feeling, bonding with that little baby before it makes an appearance, dads don’t have that privilege and their experience of becoming a father is an entirely different journey. I sent my beloved husband a little list of questions, discussion points perhaps, to bring a dad’s perspective.

• 1. Did you want to be a dad, and how did it feel when you became one?

Yes, but I think it was always a future feeling. Not immediately, not now, not even when the birth happened. And then all at once… I think the enormity of fatherhood dawned on me over time. It’s a growing up experience and a progressive letting go and reassessing what’s important and what’s not.

• 2. What has been the most significant challenge for you in parenting?

Taking on a 24/7 job where there’s little people needs that need accounting for all the time. Yes, it’s “shift” work to a degree, but you’re always aware that when you have ‘time off’ to do something, someone else is picking up the work.

• 3. What has surprised you in a positive way, the most?

That there were new and unexpected ways that I’d grow in – ways I didn’t think I would or could. Finding that the kids push buttons empowers me to practice the balance between patience, discipline and letting them be kids.

• 4. How much would you say becoming a dad has affected you as a person, in terms of capacity for other things in life, such as social, work, and mental wellbeing?

Capacity thoughts change in a whole different way. It’s not about do I have time to do the stuff I used to do anymore – it’s more a case of stretching things out. You’re forced to think in months for your availability and booking things in. Spontaneity is rare.

Personally speaking, mental health improved for me when I stopped fighting what I needed to let go of and what I thought was important to for me to do and to have regularly. You need to have the power to set boundaries or you’ll tire out. And a tired dad is a grumpy dad.

I’m self-employed so I have the benefit of being able to help out with and spend time with the kids when work is in a lull state.

• 5. What are the top 3 things you wish you had known before bringing a baby home?

1. Really thinking about how much of my life would be required (pro tip: all of it).

2. That I’d become a foundation stone for another person to grow from. I set the floor in terms of expectations and they will look to me for how to act and shape the beginning of their principles and character.

3. That no. 2 won’t fully happen until they’re at least 3 years old and I’d be ignored almost entirely until then…!

Bonus no. 4. That sleep would become scarce and difficult to get/fit in… For a while!

• 6. What would you say to anyone about to become a new father?

It’s a marathon, not a race. Keep hold of who you are but be ready to have some things float away. You’ll need to be ready to ‘evolve’ into your fatherhood. It’s hard and you won’t always get it right – sometimes it’ll make you unreasonably cross. Just like you’ll need the kids to do, clean up your mess, forgive yourself and say sorry when you have to.