Oh. My. Goodness.

I’d like to say ‘if I hear ‘NO’ one more time I’ll…’ but I’ve no idea what I’ll actually do, because I will most definitely hear ‘NO’ at least 20 more times in the next 10 minutes.

I’d forgotten how much of it we had with Liv, but I am now reminded because it’s Toby’s choice of response to pretty much everything. And I’m seriously at a loss because it winds me up so much but all I do is look at him in shock and surprise every time! Like I wasn’t expecting it! And I still haven’t prepared a good response!

Ugh man, he’s in a really angry phase at the moment. All I can think is he’s going through some kind of developmental ‘leap’, or he’s really learning how to express his emotions authentically! LOL

Having the sweet natured delight of your heart turn red in the face as he screams at you with a fully wide open mouth and tears rolling down his cheeks because you moved his bowl of food after he’d walked away from the table with barely anything left in it, leaves me stunned, apologetic, feeling guilty, and triggers so many emotions in me! It’s crazy how something so small (the child AND the silly situation) can have such a significant result! If it’s the morning and I’m not drained from the day, I handle it pretty well. But if it’s tea time, and I’m already exhausted, my responses are less admirable.

The tones of his various versions of ‘no’ can range from a cheeky little side smile and a sweet quiet ‘no’, to emotionless, direct, dead-pan defiance, to a full volume shock-the-life-out-of-you angry ‘how dare you ask me to do that!’ kind of ‘no’.

I’m hoping it passes, because it’s a very unpleasant thing to experience multiple times a day, especially when it can be accompanied by him hitting himself on the sides of his face, or hitting me on whatever part of me he can reach at that moment.

It’s like he’s filled with uncontrollable rage.

And whilst I understand that their little worlds are so small at this age, and that anything that happens is a much bigger deal to them than it is to us (a broken banana being the worst of all things, for example), and whilst I also understand that our little ones expressing themselves so honestly with us is a hugely positive sign that we have a relationship that means they feel safe enough to do so, it’s still very difficult when it happens.

Don’t get me wrong, my boy is truly a little wonder. He is delightful; so kind, so good at sharing (90% of the time), very affectionate, bright as a little button, and cute as can be! Love him with my actual whole life. But the truth of that does not remove the facts of his current behaviour and their effects. Even Liv tries to calm him down, and she can often receive a push and a very loud ‘NO’ in her face. Little lamb.

I guess that trying to keep calm in those situations so as not to escalate it is the best approach, but I can say it’s not always easy to be like that. Keeping calm but not being a passive parent is a balance I find very difficult to get right. I’d love to say that I spend all the necessary time to gently cuddle and coach my child out of those moments to a place where he is at peace with himself and the world again, bit it simply isn’t the case. Sometimes that’s how it plays out. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes Dad has to take over and I walk away and do something else. Sometimes I sit on the floor and cry with him. Sometimes I shout. Sometimes I glare at him and tell him to get a grip (super helpful, I know).

The ‘no’ phase is a doozy. The crying meltdowns are tough, but bare-faced defiance is a category all of its own!

Anyone going through the ‘no’ phase, I feel you. I stand in solidarity with you, and wish you all the very best as you navigate it with your own little terrors!!