It never even occurred to me that our circle of friends would be so impacted by having children, but I guess it didn’t help that we had kids immediately in the aftermath of the National Lockdown and Covid-19 pandemic and relationships were already changing. Wasn’t THAT a blast!

Working out how to adjust relationships to ‘online only’ for those couple of years was something else, with some real successes, and some sad losses, but it did open a door to having at least some kind of communication with loved ones we couldn’t see in the flesh. It became so normal at the time, it continues to be an option for people who can’t see people face to face, for whatever reason. Being a parent to very dependant little ones is one of those reasons. Being a parent to older kids with a packed activities calendar is another!

It is funny how when you have children your old circle of single / child-free friends seems to fade away, and you find yourself connecting (if you’re lucky) with other people who have children, and that’s great because they get it! They understand the manic nature of life – being late for things, turning up with sick / beans / playdough / chocolate prints on your clothes, having to cancel last minute because someone got poorly (nursery germs, man!) But at the same time it also sucks because between your busy life, and their busy life, when do you actually ever get to have a face to face conversation?!

Perhaps that’s another reason I’m doing this; blogging. I get to have a bit of a conversation (one sided though it is!) with people who I hope are like-minded, in as much as you’re going through or have been through, this similar life adjustment!

Going from a peer-saturated lifestyle with no restrictions, to a young family lifestyle following a global pandemic is a heck of a culture shock, and it can take some serious getting used to. And it seems to me that there’s now a loneliness pandemic. The never ending social media presence where there’s a shallower level of ‘connection’, a bombardment of news, information, advertising and social expectation (not to mention the bullying, hate, lack of accountability and so on), plus the incessant need to display ones life with all the filters that make us and our lives look flawless… it’s just not helpful to us normal people living normal lives. We all want to be seen, known and loved for who we really are, not the shiny online version we feel under pressure to be. Even (especially!) exhausted mamas.

With that potential for loneliness already very real, the changing of friendships that come with becoming parents in a post-pandemic online world can be another massive contributor to feeling alone, unknown, unfulfilled, and isolated. This isn’t just true for mums, but for dads too.

I know for me, when I do get to have real connection time with a friend, it does me the world of good. It’s rare. Finding a time that works for everyone is tough, and requires serious intention and planning! But it’s so worth the effort. Whether it’s in person (which I love) or on a video call, or by sending texts, it’s so vital for us as parents (it’s also true for everyone who isn’t a parent too!) to have people we can be real with. That’s what friendship means to me now.

We all need to be seen, known and loved.

If anyone out there is an exhausted parent who wants to reach out for connection, feel free to get in touch! I’ll gladly chat with anyone who wants to vent, connect, reach for some validation or understanding. Online friendships can be really helpful when in person ones seem just out of reach.