I haven’t slept past 7am for over 3 and a half years. Not once. And until very recently, 5am was a very normal time to be up and about! My second pregnancy sleep was even more painfully insufficient, still nursing my eldest through the night, dealing with pregnancy aches and pains through the night, still working (not through the night!), and having a newly toddling toddler to deal with. It got boring when people asked how I was doing and all I could say was “I’m exhausted”. I was so fed up of saying it!

I’m grateful that since Toby was born, he has always been a better sleeper than Liv; his sleep needs are obviously quite different from hers, but both have always been early risers whatever time they go to bed at night. I did gradually get used to functioning on that little sleep, and my nights are much better now than they used to be. Suffice it to say I also haven’t gone to bed much later than 8.30pm for a long time, until recently when I’ve been staying up to watch Traitors! 😀

Lie ins are a thing of the past, and a solid 8 hour sleep is pretty much unheard of. The wrinkles are showing more and the dark bags under my eyes can’t even be hidden with concealer!

I. Am. Tired.

And I haven’t met a mother (of younger children) yet who is not. They say it gets better as they get older, and I am just beginning to see that now in our lives, but I also have friends whose kids have had rough sleep patterns until they were 6 or 7. NO THANK YOU.

That tiredness. I’ve heard it said a lot that you don’t know tiredness until you have kids. I don’t know. I have been this level of tired before, when life has been super intense for a while, or stuff has been going on. But the unrelenting nature of early risers who don’t know that weekends are made for extra morning sleep, and those broken nights, one after another after another after another… you can genuinely feel like you’re just going to actually die.

But you don’t. (Hooray!)

And the nights, ultimately, do start to get better. The chunks of sleep you get do get a bit longer. Funnily enough though, it doesn’t stop you feeling tired! Apparently it’s called ‘sleep debt’, and my sleep bank is very much in the red!

Am I complaining? Actually, no. As much as I would love to have some decent sleep, I also know that there’s nothing I won’t do for my babies, especially in the night time when they might be afraid of something, having a bad dream, feeling cold, or just need to know I’m still there. Investing in them feeling loved and safe at this early stage is an exhausting privilege that’s costing me my natural mousy brown hair colour, and pennies (pounds!) on wrinkle reducing face cream, and my social life, but it’s an investment into my connection and bond with my little ones, and maybe even into their trust in me to meet their needs.

I’ve said it before, parenting costs. Love, costs. Investment, costs. Sleeplessness is a huge cost! It is a costly, sacrificial thing you and I are doing. And I hope and pray that for every one of you who are sacrificing so much for your babies, you will see the fruit of your investment. (And get some good sleep soon.)

Much love x